Uniform Monitor: Week 11

(Associated Press)

IRONICALLY BAD UNIFORM TREND OF THE WEEK: Bear scratches on the pants & jerseys of Baylor & Cal

So what’s the implication here? You guys are the Bears… but you’re the ones with the bear scratches. Are the wounds self-inflicted? Were you victimized by a tougher bear? I’m confused.

REGIONAL UNIFORM COLOR CLASH OF THE WEEK: Jacksonville Jaguars at Cleveland Browns

The Browns’ brown & orange is perfect for the Rust Belt; the Jags’ unattractive teal & black is (I guess) kinda Florida-y. Either way, like wool socks and Crocs, these two teams don’t look right together.

SUPER BOWL UNIFORM REMATCH OF THE WEEK: Oakland Raiders/Minnesota Vikings

Probably one of the top five Super Bowl uniform matchups ever (but I better do a proper list to be sure – look for it next week). This Sunday’s rematch is marred by the Vikings’ modern “improvements” like the unnecessary vertical stripes on their jerseys and those purple facemasks. And also, by them stinking.

NFL UNIFORM MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins

Maybe it’s because I can smell the turkey cooking*, but seeing these two teams in those getups conjures Clint Longley’s Thanksgiving miracle** (but only because I’ve seen the NFL Films highlights 2800 times – I’m not old enough to remember it live.) Shame on the Redskins, though, for wearing the white pants rather than the spectacular gold ones.

* If you haven’t tried it before, I strongly recommend deep-frying your bird this year.
** If you don’t know who Clint Longley is, you can go look it up yourself –- I’m not your cyber-servant.

BEST NEW UNIFORM REVEALED THIS WEEK: Toronto Blue Jays

Alfredo Griffin, Tom Henke, Ernie Whitt, the Crime Dog and Lloyd Moseby are surely all pleased.

WORST NEW UNIFORM REVEALED THIS WEEK (tie): New York Islanders’ third jersey; Miami Marlins

Disgusting. You should both be ashamed of yourselves. Goodbye.

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