Like the remaining characters on ‘Breaking Bad’, the playoff chances of several NFL teams will be lucky to still be alive come Monday morning.
The goose of the loser in London’s game will be cooked (deep-fried and served with chips?). Should the Giants lose in Arrowhead, their remote playoff chances will go up in smoke (Get it? Smoked. Like barbecue. Which they like to eat in KC). If RGIII can’t get it done in the Bay Area, we can drop the Skins’ season into a bread bowl filled with hydrofluoric acid (See, ‘cause they make bread-bowl soup in the Bay, and Walter White uses acid to… ah, forget it.).
The Falcons’ postseason prospects won’t be doomed with a loss at home to the Pats, but – assuming the Saints win on Monday – repeating as the NFC South champs might be. The same fate could befall the idle Packers, who stand to drop 2½ games behind Chicago in the NFC North if Cutler & Co can get out of Detroit with a win.
Lame puns aside, Sunday is a big day. So let’s get to it.
Do NOT continue reading if you don’t want to know how things are gonna turn out.
(7-9 last week; 17-14 overall)
BREAKING BAD 1
OTHER TV SHOWS 0
W. White: killed by ricin cigarette
J. Pinkman: survives, gives $80 mil to Brock
Lydia: shot by Nazis
Nazis: shot by W. White/poisoned by J. Pinkman
S. White: eh, who cares?
F. White: accepted to New Mexico St
H. White: needs a diaper change
M. Schraeder: runs away with Skinny Pete
H. Miller: 48 yds, TD
R. Woods: 67-yd TD
Cin D: 6 sacks, 3 TOs
TY Hilton: 132 yds, TD
JJ Watt: 3 sacks
P. Peterson: 42-yd INT TD
J. Cutler: 327 yds, 3 TDs
J. Charles: 120 yds, 2 TDs
K. Wright: 93 yds, TD
J. Witten: 84 yds, TD
A. Morris: 104 yds, TD
D. Thomas: 153 yds, TD
T. Brady: 290 yds, TD, 2 INT
M. Colston: 80 yds, 2 TDs
Enjoy the games, everybody. I hope your team wins (unless they’re playing my team). And I hope your favorite characters survive (unless you’re rooting for the Nazis. Or Skyler.).