Tag Archives: Uniform monitor

Uniform Monitor: Let’s SEC who is best

(Associated Press/US Presswire)

Like anyone else, December means only one thing to me: Egg nog. After that, though, this month has become the season for complaining about the BCS. For the record, I’m not sure whether it oughta be Oklahoma State or Stanford who gets to play LSU for the title –- but I’m absolutely positive it shouldn’t be a team who already lost to the Hat’s fellas at home. But that’s coming from a purely football perspective.

When it comes to uniforms, the Southeastern Conference rules college football without question. So while others debate the validity of the BCS, today I’ll use this space to rank the best of the best. It’s time to figure out who’s got the number one uniform in the SEC.

SEC UNIFORM STANDINGS
(‘x’ denotes division winner; the number indicates the team’s overall rank in the conference)

EAST
X – GEORGIA
Like the Packers, only with a better color scheme
5. TENNESSEE
I like these, but the Vols are hurt by the fact that Texas does orange and white better.
7. FLORIDA
Get back to the orange pants, wouldya, Gators?
8. KENTUCKY
Hard to screw up the monochromatic look.
10. VANDERBILT
Another good uniform victimized the conference’s high caliber of getups.
11. SOUTH CAROLINA
They barely edge Mississippi State by a logo.

WEST
X – ALABAMA
The numbers on the hats make ‘Bama’s uniforms beyond reproach
3. AUBURN
Would be the best uni in some conferences, but they don’t even the title game in the SEC
4. LSU
Love the tradition of wearing white at home, but that purple jersey looks better.
6. OLE MISS
Good in the red, white or navy blue jerseys.
9. TEXAS A&M
Bringing more maroon coming to the SEC in 2012.
12. MISSISSIPI ST
Marooner.
13. ARKANSAS
Maroonist.

2011 SEC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME: Alabama vs. Georgia

The Dawgs’ red, black and gray is almost paralleled anywhere in the nation. Unfortunately, they’re in the same conference as the Tide.

NFL UNIFORM MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: None

Sorry, but I can’t in good conscience pay homage to any pro team this week. Not when the Redskins could’ve paired handsomely with the Jets if they’d worn their gold pants… but inexplicably opted for the white. Not when the Chiefs could’ve worn their red pants against the Bears… but inexplicably opted for their white. If you NFL teams plan to continue disregarding my advice, you leave me no choice but to slight you all. Believe me, it pains me to not give the award this week, but my integrity and respect for my position as Uniform Monitor prevent me from doing so.

THE “IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME, NOT EASTER” CONFUSING UNI MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: Panthers at Bucs

Is it early December or late April? Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing the Bucs’ creamsicle getups (if only for nostalgia’s sake), but maybe they should’ve saved ‘em for a game against a team that isn’t wearing eggshell blue. As it is, the color matchup evokes the flowery dresses and hats at the Kentucky Derby more than a football game in December.

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Uniform Monitor: Week 12

(Associated Press/US Presswire)

SHAMELESSY IGNORED COLLEGE TRADITION OF THE WEEK: UCLA

(Gary A. Vasquez/US Presswire)

As a young football fan/uniform admirer growing up in western Pennsylvania, I annually loved the sight of USC & UCLA getting it on in late November. I’d wonder, where is this exotic land where both teams wear their home jerseys –- and why does it look so sunny and warm there? Listen, I’ve got no beef with the aesthetically quality of the getups the Bruins wore on Saturday night, but you simply can’t thumb your nose at the uniquely glorious ritual that exists in the Victory Bell Game. C’mon, UCLA: save the all-white for Colorado or WASU –- I wanna see the powder blue vs. the cardinal & gold!

COLLEGE UNIFORM MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: Ohio State at Michigan

A few exposed tattoos notwithstanding, this was nice. Well played, fellas.

THE OCULAR ATTACK OF THE WEEK: Stanford

We’re not laughing with you, Cardinal – we’re laughing at you.

SHAMELESSLY IGNORED NFL TRADITION OF THE WEEK: Detroit Lions

I thought we all agreed that the Lions would wear their mid-20th-century, logo-less uniforms every Thanksgiving. Didn’t we, Detroit? Didn’t we?!

UGLY UNIFORM SUPER BOWL REMATCH OF THE WEEK: Patriots/Eagles

I know you won three Super Bowls –- including XXXIX against Philly -– with the Flying Elvis on your hat, but enough’s enough, New England: do us –- and yourselves –- a favor by returning to the Pat Patriot getups.

NFL PAST & PRESENT MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: Cardinals at Rams

(Courtesy of the Vintage Football Card Gallery)

Thirty years ago, this matchup would’ve meant St. Louis’s football Cardinals paying a visit the LA Coliseum. Now, it’s Phoenix’s redbirds traveling back to their old neck of the woods.

Under the southern California sun > under a dome
Cardinals’ simple white jerseys > Cardinals’ white jerseys with vertical piping
Rams’ Jack Youngblood gold > Rams’ metallic gold

(and speaking of the past, I love the old Topps cards with the logos whited out.)

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Uniform Monitor: Week 10

(US Presswire/Associated Press)

GREAT UNIFORM TRADITION SPOILED BY MARKETING OF THE WEEK: Notre Dame

Okay, Fighting Irish, just exactly what the hell is going on here? I expect this sort of grotesque behavior out of Maryland, but not you, Notre Dame. For shame. You’re Notre Dame. The hats were vomitous, but the truly shameful deed was breaking out the iconic green jerseys as a marketing gimmick. Those are supposed to be used against the likes of USC, not the schizophrenicly-outfitted Terps.

NFL UNIFORM MATCHUP OF THE WEEK (three-way tie): Lions at Bears; Giants at Niners; Saints at Falcons

(John Bazemore/Associated Press)


Sure, I could force myself to choose just one, but I prefer to bask in the visual glory on several pro gridirons this Sunday. In Chicago, a classic NFC North showdown (although Detroit really oughta dump the black trim); in the Bay, the NFL’s best road unis against the nifty Niners’ red-and-bronze; and under the dome in the ATL, those retro-sheik beauties against the Fleur de Lis. Winner? Our eyeballs.

SUPER BOWL REMATCH UNIFORM REGRESSION OF THE WEEK: Redskins/Dolphins

The Dolphins of ’72 looked sharp in all-white when they completed their undefeated season against the wonderful burgundy and gold Redskins in Super VII. In Week 10 of 2010, DC sees fit to go with

their white britches … a move the Uniform Monitor considers a big step backwards.

SUPER BOWL REMATCH IMPROVEMENT OF THE WEEK: Bills/Cowboys

(Tony Gutierrez/Associated Press)

Buffalo’s lousy performances in Super Bowls XXVII and XXVIII against Dallas were matched by the ugly arrangement of their red, white and blue. Thurman Thomas went so far as to put fashion over football when he delayed putting the red helmet on his head. The new/old-and-improved Bills’ getups make the Week 10 visit to Big D much more enjoyable to look at.

COLLEGE UNIFORM MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: Nebraska at Penn St.

Two teams, two colors. And not many more than two points scored. With both uniforms so clean, retro and simple, washed in that brilliant November sun, it almost seemed like 1965. Almost.

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Uniform Monitor: Week 9

Associated Press

IRONICALLY UNSATISFYING MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: 49ers at Redskins
As regular readers of the Monitor know, I love the getups on both SF and DC… but when put on the same field, the Skins’ burgundy clashes with the Niners’ red. It’s kinda like putting strawberries in your marinara sauce — two delicious red edible items separately (“redibles?”), but not right when you mix them together.

IRONICALLY SATISFYING MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: Dolphins at Chiefs
No surprise the Chiefs are involved in a good uni matchup – their uncluttered red jerseys and arrowhead are among the most underrated in football -– but I generally disdain those turquoise pants on Miami. Today, though, the sartorial splash of South Beach seems to jibe perfectly with the Midwestern simplicity of KC’s getups. To continue with the food analogies, this is the uniform matchup equivalent of jalapenos on pizza. Unexpected, but tasty.

MISSED OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK: Bills’ white jerseys at home
I suppose I’m okay with the idea of the whiteout in Buffalo — although I’m not sure why Buffalonians would want to wear all white when they’re gonna be looking at snow for the next six months — but if they’re gonna put on the road jerseys, they shoulda gone gone the extra mile and broken out the Joe Cribbs/Joe Ferguson era blue pants. In other words, if the all-white unis are provolone, the blue pants are bleu cheese.

THE OOH, LA & LA THROWBACK ON THE WEEK YEAR: New Orleans Saints
The Saints’ current getups are plenty nice, but they’re no match for the throwbacks with the darker gold and more classic lines. It’s the difference between drinking a modern-day soda sweetened by high fructose corn syrup instead of real sugar. I’m all for progress, but sometimes things were better in the past.

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Uniform Monitor: Big D day in Week 7

(US Presswire)

Dallas and St. Louis sports fans will need either two TVs or keen remote control reflexes today, as their Cowboys and Rams kick off in the JerryDome just a few hours before the first pitch of the Rangers and Cardinals in Game Four of the World Series in the Ballpark in Arlington. For those of us without a vested interest, maybe we should let the quality of uniforms decide how we root.

4. Rams – as I covered in my throwbacks piece earlier this week I abhor the metallic gold.

3. Rangers – they wear the same royal blue-and-red as the NHL’s Rangers, but somehow it just doesn’t work as well. I usually ascribe to the ‘less is more’ theory, but Texas looks just kinda… blah.

2. Cowboys – they need to dump the shiny pants, the overly-bright blue numbering, and embrace the subtler Staubach Era look.

1. Cardinals – whether it’s their crisp and clean home whites or on the road in their navy hats with red trim, the Cards are the best of this quartet. Especially if the Rangers put Tony Romo in to pitch to Albert Pujols.

AFC UNIFORM MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: Chiefs at Raiders
On an otherwise bland sartorial day for the NFL, our eyeballs are treated to yet another glorious AFL showdown. The players inside the getups may be bitter rivals, but the ever-striking silver-and-black of the Raiders and the Chiefs’ bold, bright red pants and hats make beautiful music together. Matter of fact, you can pencil this one down as a finalist for the Best Uniform Matchup in the all the NFL.

NFC UNIFORM MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: Packers at Vikings

(Andy King/Associated Press)

In spite of the game being played in the wretched, climate-controlled dome, we’ve also got a nice old-school NFC Central clash… thanks to the simpler, better, gray-facemasked Vikings uniforms.

SUPER BOWL REDUX OF THE WEEK: Steelers at Cardinals
Déjà vu for everyone who watched Santonio Holmes break Kurt Warner’s heart in Super Bowl XLIII as the white-jerseyed Steelers pay a visit to the Valley of the Sun. Unfortunately for the two teams, there’ll be no James Harrison, Casey Hampton, Kurt Warner or Anquan Boldin in those jerseys today.

Now, we turn our gaze to the college ranks…

ACC UNIFORM MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: UNC at Clemson
I always approve of the two-toned blue Heels, and likewise enjoy the distinctive orange of the Tigers… but would like this matchup even better if Clemson went all in with the orange pants.

SEC UNIFORM MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: Tennessee at Alabama

(Marvin Gentry/US Presswire)

Two teams, two colors. To put that into perspective, that’s seven fewer colors than you’ll find in Maryland’s hideous getups. In college football, it don’t get no better than ‘Bama’s numbered hats.

PAC-12 UNIFORM MATCHUP OF THE WEEK: Oregon at Colorado
Nice move by the Buffs to go back to the Eric Bieniemy Era unis, and among the eight dozen combos the Ducks could sport, the all-white version is at the top of the list. Come to think of it, they kinda resemble Joaquin Phoenix when he gets the shiv from Russell Crowe at the end of ‘Gladiator’.

Are you not amused by that comparison, Phil Knight? On behalf of everyone with an appreciation for good football uniforms, all I can say is… right back at ya, Mr. Nike.

Late addition to this week’s Uniform Monitor: Tulsa’s helmets. Two letters say it all: P and U. I’m not sure if I should thank Larry Brown for bringing these to my attention, or punch him in the neck.

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Uniform Monitor: Week 5

(Michael Hickey/US Presswire)

Uniform Matchup of the Week: Chiefs at Colts

Let this be a lesson to all those teams who foolishly choose to run the piping on their pants up the sides of their jerseys (like you, Vikings). Today in Indy, the fans are being to the pleasure of simplicity: two teams in the rainbow’s three primary colors, augmented with understated, elegant stripes. At the risk of nitpicking, the Uniform Monitor* encourages Kansas City to replace their shiny red pantaloons with the flat matte finish sported by the likes of Dawson, Podolak and Buchanon.

Best NFL Uniform of the Week:New England Patriots

(Andrew Weber/US Presswire)


It’s always a pleasure to get reacquainted with Pat Patriot, and not just because it spares us a week of looking at the overly-fussy and completely unnecessary Flying Elvis getups. Like most people with two eyes and a good sense of fashion, I’d love to see a full-time return to the glorious red jerseys and white hats, but I also understand the metaphysical conundrum it causes: the Patriots have won three Lombardis in their navy-and-silver eyesores, compared to the zero titles in the more aesthetically pleasing unis worn by Eason, Grogan and the other Patriots who were humiliated in the Super Dome back in Super Bowl XX. The Houston Rockets, the St Louis Rams and the Pittsburgh Penguins serve as a collective cautionary tale to any successful team considering a uniform change — all three teams were in the midst of potential dynasties when the opted to go with a new look. Since those switches, the Rockets haven’t come close to title, the Rams lost to the Pats in Super Bowl XXXVI (in which New England wore the Flying Elvis… see how it comes full circle?), and the Penguins languished for 17 seasons before getting back on top in ’09. Which brings me to…

Best NHL Uniform of the Week: Calgary Flames

On Saturday night, the Penguins and their ugly uniforms paid a visit to the Saddledome in Alberta. Pittsburgh may have won the hockey game, but Calgary gets the award for Best Uniform. After fooling around for years — nay, decades — with black pants and weird striping, the Flames finally did the right thing by returning to their simpler all-red-with-white-and-gold-trim getups. Why, you might call ‘em the Chiefs of the NHL. Like I say, full circle.

* If you’re not aware, I aspire to one day become the official Uniform Monitor for all sports. In the meantime, I work gratis for two reasons: 1. I have a deep passion for great uniforms, and 2. I have an equally strong distaste for some of the visual atrocities imposed on our eyeballs by various teams across the sports landscape (I’m talking about you, Jacksonville Jaguars, Seattle Seahawks, Oregon Ducks, Oklahoma City Thunder, Anaheim Ducks, et al).

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The Uniform Monitor: Week Three

(NFL/US Presswire)

I’m positively swooning over the Saints’ and — to a lesser degree — the Vikes’ throwbacks uniforms. If only the Seahawks would run onto the field in their Jim Zorn/Dan Doornink-era getups, I shall depart this earth for cloud nine. It seems everyone other than the teams themselves realizes that throwbacks almost always trump the modern look. You pickin’ up what I’m layin’ down, Patriots?

Uniform Matchup of the Weekend: The Heidi Bowl redux between the Jets and Raiders. However, if the Redskins do the right thing and wear the gold pants in Dallas, DC at Cowboys might share this week’s award.

The worst? Jags at Carolina. Entirely too much teal going on between 1995’s two expansion teams.

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